A DIARY (also called a journal) is a record (originally in handwritten format) with discrete entries arranged by date reporting on what has happened over the course of a day or other period. A personal diary may include a person's experiences, and/or thoughts or feelings, including comment on current events outside the writer's direct experience. Someone who keeps a diary is known as a diarist.
An artist needs to experience trial and tribulation in order to render their soul capable to inspire the rare and delicate fantasies that exist within the vibrant cord of the heart. It is only through such persecution that the exquisite melodrama and strength of character are realized. For without struggle, without hardship, and without pain, an artist cannot express them self and truly relate to others." - Zzorhn Carlson, July 2012, Inspiration Quotations
Have you ever wanted the chance to read someone's diary? Here's your chance.
On ONLINE DIARY? Aren't diaries supposed to be private? Yes, and typically yes. However, I have chosen to write on a public forum, and have been doing so for almost two decades, so I don't see the point of quitting. Wait! If I've been writing an online diary since 2006, there WHERE IS IT ALL?!
I have managed to salvage quite a bit of my work, but between having all my work destroyed and the loss of a computer, I feel lucky to have saved what I could. Diary entries from 2006 - 2014 were loosely catalogued, but by 2015 I was well into what I called "Turn the Page" series. Then, in 2016 I switched it to the familiar "Obscure Arcanum" and have been writing in this format since then. Sadly, all that's left of my diaries is chapter thirty-seven and onward.
Between the bars of a Jail Cell
As I read through my work I can get a better sense of who I am as an individual and how my life is evolving, and that's a very helpful tool indeed! Through my words I can get a clear sense of my mindset, emotional state, and focus. It's easy to see when there are dark times in my life, and you can definitely tell when things are going well.
Just a quick note regarding my integrity in this journal;
1) Once something is written / posted, I will not delete it or try to fix it in some way. I feel strongly about this, because it's usually during the times of extreme duress and frustration that I expose my raw emotions the most. Once my work has been witnessed by others, it would be akin to online trolling using a "Bait and Switch" tactic if I were to post something untrue or even libel and then erase it. Regardless of the legality of the situation, and / or the current punishment for posting any such information, there's my own personal integrity to take into consideration. I set the bar high for myself in all things, and my diary is to remain as unmodified as absolutely possible for prosperity sake.
2) I will not use names in my entries without asking first. Events and / or details can be used, however, any mention of names will be done only with verbal permission.
3) I don't write about every single little thing that I do. This is due to the simplistic fact that I'm certain most people don't care about all the mundane aspects of my life.
Not every chapter in your life will be happy. As you read through the different chapters, you can tell the times I am struggling and the times I'm happy......
.......We all make mistakes in life. As I grow and learn, there are going to be moments where I feel weak, just as there are going to be wonderfully grandiose moments. It is my hope to become a better individual, and these mere diary entries become a success story detailing the hardships and triumphs along the way.
THIS is my SUCCESS STORY.
November 29th, 2023
Flurries, with temperatures hovering around zero degrees Centigrade. Wind speed is gusting at 60 KM. The kind of day where you don't really want to go outside....
.....I had to go uptown this morning to get my meds that were missed in the delivery yesterday. So, in pain I hobbled my ars to the Pharmacy to get my refill... It was cold.
I wouldn't want to be stuck homeless outside in weather like this (Knowing it's going to get a whole lot worse in a month) Realizing this fact I am going to endevour to stay quiet and co-operative in the Salvation Army Center of Hope. I don't want to get thrown out into the cold. I've been told that during the winter months the staff will not tolerate any bullshit because they know how many people are waiting for a warm bed, Means I'll have to mind my "P's and Q's".
There's really not a whole lot different at the moment. I've been homeless now for a month, but thankfully I have somewhere warm. (It's not ideal by no means, but it's a warm bed and food*) Russia versus Ukraine, Israel versus Hamas, the tension in the middle East, the tension in between Taiwan and Beijing and the USA playing World Police, India versus Pakistan, you get the picture..... Same old, but different. History doesn't necessarily repeat itself, but it does like to rhyme, eh?
I try to play guitar at least once per day, just to practice at least. It's hard to feel motivated when I cannot show anyone how I've improved. At least not in the Salvation Army. (No going in other people's room)
I finished a whole series two days ago (Reading) but now I'm having a hard time shifting gears between authors. I'm finding it difficult to feel motivated to read something new...
....just low motivation. But then again, what's there to do with such limited resources. For example, I can go on the computer online, but it's chewing up my bandwidth on my phone much quicker than normal. So, I tend not to write or do much online, because I have found computers require much more bandwidth than a simple cell phone.
SHE'S still here. Causing problems, telling lies, gaslighting, and being totally obnoxious. I have to ignore everything she does, because one slip and SHE'LL take advantage of that in some way or other. (Get me kicked out, or worse, arrested again)
Well, I'm going to go. Like I said, not much has changed. Hope you have a great humpday!
*Food - I'm a picky eater, and I'm having a hell of a time with the fancy menu items coming out of the kitchen. I can't eat a least one meal per day, if not two (I've have it where I couldn't eat all three meals) Everything has a sauce or a gravy. I have on occasion ordered some food plain, but most times I don't bother to stick out by wanting something special, so I skip the line and stick to coffee.
December 1st, 2023
Rain. It was nice out yesterday, so today it HAS to rain. Can't rub a few nice days together without the wet shit. This kid of weather kills; animals, insects, and vegetation are all killed off by cold, wet weather. The season of Death and Decay is upon us.
Today looks like another day of being hungry; the menu shows only crap to be served today.
I'm bored. I try to keep any music at a low volume, so that discourages me from playing guitar. I don't have any books to read. Plus, anytime I use my computer I am chewing up my data plan, so I avoid staying online very much. So, can't go outside for fear of getting drenched, and there's little to nothing to do inside the building. Yay!
My back is killing me! For almost a decade my back has been getting progressively worse on the right side, but today the main pani is on the left. Ouch!
Not much else to say, so I'm going to go and shut off the internet. Apparently I'm almost at my max and there's twelve more days to go before my next pay period. Talk soon.
December 23rd
Good morning, Dear Diary. The weather is above the freezing mark with rain. Yup! Rain.....
.......but we're not the only ones dreaming of a white Christmas, as Canadians all over the country are dealing with a lack of snow.... Except the East coast, who are currently getting walloped by a massive snow storm. Their forecast calls for at least 50 CM of snow. Leave it to the Eastern side of Canada to do something different, eh? Don't blame them, as it's a huge storm coming from the East side of USA that's the cause.
The lack of snow is fine for people living in the city, but when it comes to people living in rural homes this lack of snow can have dire consequences. I know from experience that the moment you get a pile of snow you use it to "Bank the snow" against the sides of the house / trailer. This prevents water pipes from freezing, as well as, provide insulation against the cold, which in turn keeps the heating bill down. A lack of snow is disastrous for seasonal companies that rely on snow, such as down-hill skiing / snow boarding. Some are trying to make their own snow, but with temperatures hovering around the freezing mark and jumping into the single digits during the day, it's difficult to make snow that doesn't melt right away.
It doesn't feel like Christmas. One could easily blame the lack of snow on the ground, but as for me, it doesn't feel like Christmas because I'm in a homeless shelter. Oh, sure, they've decorated the place, but when I compare Christmas to the last couple of years I am extremely disheartened and feeling literally sick from loss and grief. This doesn't feel like Christmas at all. I'm sure many people are celebrating with their loved ones, but as for me, my loved ones are 1700 KM away. And I'm in a shelter.
Life in a shelter is no walk in the park. There's the stress felt by being homeless, coupled with the insanity of the people living there. With no mental hospitals in Ontario the "Homeless" comprise of quite a few people who should be locked up in an insane asylum. I don't say that lightly either, as there is a good smattering of metal illness mixed with illegal drug users. I don't make this claim flippantly, but rather with conviction; many people in the shelter should be assessed, with many locked away and off the street! I don't know why there's such a lack of funding for people living with mental illness.
I'm not talking about depression, Dear Diary, but rather, serious metal illnesses.
So, yeah! Not in the Christmas spirit at all. I'm thinking I'm going to take a long, hard pass on the holiday this year. Sure, I'm going to attend the Christmas Eve service at the chapel here, as I've been attending the various services in the Christian faith. However, there's no reason for me to get excited about the holiday. Who do I have to celebrate with?! Who am I supposed to share gifts with? See what I mean? Don't worry, Dear Dairy, I'm not all Grinchy or whatnot. I'm just not in the spirit this year.
I'm thinking of going back to North-West Ontario. I moved to Southern Ontario to be with friends, and take care of my health issues, and now that my friends decided to be flaky as all all fuck and my health is now stable, there's no reason for me to be here anymore. Going home sounds nice, even if it's a colder place to live. I'll have to give this some serious thought....
.....after I get my legal matters settled. I met with my lawyer, and we're going to take the matters to trial. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared shitless. However, there's no proof I did anything wrong, with the exception of the lies told by the children that used to be in my care. Can't say anything because of a publication ban. I just want this chapter of my life over!
Changing gears....
.....the war in Ukraine continues, with both sides of the conflict deadlocked in a type of trench warfare. Gee! Wonder why that feels familiar?? The war against the terrorist organization, Hamas, continues as well. If you examine the two conflicts, however, it becomes apparent that they are not similar at all; Hamas is getting their butts kicked, while the Ukrainians are holding their own. One war is an attempt to get rid of a terrorist organization, while the Russo-Ukrainian war is about making a land grab. One war is about re-writing history, while the other is about survival....
...but those two are not the only wars being fought currently, as there's wars in Africa in quite a few countries. China is still threatening to invade Taiwan, and that powder-keg could ignite anytime. India is doing a bit of saber rattling, because they've got Pakistan to worry about, and THAT war could break out anytime soon. Even Argentina is threatening to go to war against their neighbour over oil deposits. It's like, all these wars suddenly breaking out and no one can see the reason why.....
......THE REASON why is simple; there are weak men in power at the moment. The Divided State of Embarrassment has sleepy Joe "Asshat" Biden at the helm, and all the crooks and war-mongers are choosing to attack, because they know Biden is weak. Scary stuff!! I've said it before and I'll say it again, weak men create hard times. That's what we're seeing right now.... Weak men in a position of power are causing hardship because they're weak and feeble, and thusly pose no threat to anyone starting a war. Even with the might of the American military, who under Donald Trump were a force to recon with, is now delegated to severe negotiations. A powerful man in the White House would and could end theses wars by a show of military might, but they've got touchy-feely, hair-sniffing, Joe Biden at the helm. Canada is no exception either, as we've got "Sunni ways" idiot-stick, Justin Trudeau, and it seems like we can't get rid of the criminal no matter how many times we vote. Canada's military is a joke, but we've got a leader who believes that if we don't make any show of force then people will leave Canada alone. Such a fuck-tard! Right now the terrorist organization, Houthi, who are anti-Imperialistic, anti-West, anti-Zionism, anti-Semitic, and anti-LGBT, are playing pirate and attacking the ships that pass by, which in turn have forced everyone to skip the passage through the Red Sea, and instead are going around the Cape of Good Hope on the horn of Africa, a route that causes at least an extra week or more added to their overseas trip. The US and a smattering of other nations are pledging ships and troops to safe-guard the vessels under attack by terrorists. As for Canada, we've sent a small handful of troops, because we don't have ANY war vessels to add to the mix. So sad! If Canada was to be attacked, we'd be in BIG trouble!
Meanwhile, Trudeau is handing out cash to nations that openly call for the death of America. Like, WOW! Mere words cannot convey how I feel about this, and I'm sure anything I say will be taken out of context and used as ammo against me. I certainly don't want to get ANOTHER visit by the Cops for something I write.
They REALLY need to change the name of the Liberal Party of Canada to the Immigrant Party. You know? Full disclosure? The Liberals haven't been on team Canada for quite some time now, and we're seeing the demographics changing before our very eyes. Disturbing, to say the least!
I might go out for coffee today with James. While I might have claimed earlier that I have no friends, I do have a couple of people that I hang out with. Other than that, my day will probably go the way every other day goes... Boring, and living in an insane asylum.
Well, I hope your Christmas is better than mine. May you find the true spirit of Christmas this year, and feel blessed that God sent His Son down to Earth to die for our sins. Halleluiah!
Have a gooder.
December 25th, 2023
The whole town was in chaos. The local markets that sprawled out from the center of town was elbow to elbow room to shop for exotic and local food, spices from all over the world, clothing of all shades of colour, and all types of animals. A loud buzz hung over the throbbing crowd of people doing their last minute shopping. The markets were not normally this busy, however, the decree by Ceaser Augustus demanded that the whole Roman world return to their place of birth and register themselves for a census of the land. Everyone was loading up for the important trip home, and the streets were filled with oxen, horses, camels, and donkeys pulling carts brimming with the only possessions they could carry. This was the first time a complete census of the land had ever been decreed, and like organized chaos everyone throughout the Roman lands tried their best to understand and react to the news.
In the midst of all the chaos, a young couple pushed their way through the crowds. The woman was obviously pregnant, and it was laborious work forcing herself forward through the throngs of people. As they held on to each other the bond they shared helped push away the fear. Anxiety, however, was a completely different matter; even resolute determination with a promise of something special couldn't keep the jitters away. They were striking out on their own, leaving behind everything but a few essentials. The promise of an impending birth also added to the mix, and this was no ordinary child, for both Joseph and Mary had been visited by an angel who told them the Good News. The child Mary carried was not conceived by Joseph, and he didn't consummate the wedding until after the Child was born. The child, the angel told him, was to be called Jesus. So with more questions than answers they bravely searched for what they needed, pushed ahead by a Promise of being parents to the Son of God, the one foretold in the scrolls by many prophets of old.
Eventually they found themselves at the stables on the far side of the market. Most of the stalls were empty with so many buying animals to help them travel across the great nation. Fortunately, a small grey donkey was available, and Joseph counted out the coins from his small purse. They had enough money, but not much else.
They packed their belongings and secured them to the donkey. With no saddle or blanket for the donkey they were forced to use the last of a bolt of cloth Mary had been saving. She had difficulty getting on the animal, but eventually they were ready to go. Joseph was from Bethlehem, so to Bethlehem they went.
We all know how the story of Christmas goes; Mary and Joseph went to an Inn and the innkeeper told them they had no room, but seeing Mary so heavily pregnant he reluctantly gave the young couple permission the sleep in the stable. However, we don't hear the story from any perspective in the Bible where it talks about the journey they had to take. No where is it written about the time it took by pack animal to get from Nazareth to Bethlehem. The Bible barely talks about the feelings the young couple had. It mentions Joseph's reluctance to remain engaged to Mary, but it doesn't go any further about his emotional whirlwind. The Christ-child? Born unto me? I am to be the parent to the baby foretold by prophets? It states how Mary kept all things close to her heart, but then nothing much else until the crucifixion of her son. The Bible doesn't offer a perspective from either of them, and as a Christian I believe we too tend to push all that seemingly mundane information aside. We focus on the birth of Jesus, and gloss over how it must have felt to be the parents of God's own Son.
Can you imagine how that must have felt? Both of them were visited by an angel of the Lord, so there was no doubt who this child was, but to have that responsibility? They must have been scared to some extent, being forced to leave everything behind, not to mention the fact Mary was so pregnant. That must have added to their anxiety! Where did they sleep during the cold night? We're told that the animals kept the barn warm, so that indicates it was cold after the sun went down. How they must have struggled! How tiring that must have been for both of them.
How courageous they were!
As we go about our Christmas celebrations this year, I hope that a new perspective and understanding is found. May we focus on the reason for the gift-giving and fellowship, and find peace, hope, joy, and love that lasts the whole year. May God bless you and your family.
December 28th
Weather is wonky all across Canada. While Vancouver is being pummeled with high winds and rain, the Prairies AKA Alberta and Saskatchewan, are experiencing plus 9 degrees and no snow. Many influencers online AKA NOT Main Stream media, are worried with the lack of snow. Things are so dry right now coming out of a year that broke (And is still breaking) records, and here we're not getting the much needed moisture that helps prevent forest fires. It's scary! BUT! Here in London the sun refuses to shine, and we're getting a smattering of rain. Temperature is 8 degrees for the day, dropping to just above freezing at night. This makes for some really rough living for anyone sleeping outdoors. Rain, and no way to get anything dry with the humidity in the form of FOG, or rather, humidity at 100%. It's raining but there's fog. Anyway.. Yeah, dreary day. Been that way since Christmas Eve.
Doesn't even feel like Christmas occurred. I don't know about you, Dear Diary, but it's not just the lack of the usual white stuff that has me and others I've talked to who were left with a sense of anti-climactic anticipation. I know, I know, I can't compare this Christmas to others because of my current situation, but many other people were let down this year. Oh, no! Nor for the gift-giving. It's for the lack of parties and get togethers that usually come with the Season. It's a lack of fellowship. This is caused by several factors, namely the price of gasoline. Other factors include people resorting to electronic visits for a variety of reasons. And not to mention, the dismantling of Christmas as traditional and religious-based. Back in the day people would come for a day or two to visit. Sleeping over at a family members house during the holiday was quite common, as was going to Church en mass on Christmas Eve. These things are gone.. Gone, replaced by electronics, their souls sold to the very bowels of Android (Or the big Apple in the sky)
Oh! Got trapped in the elevator the other day for an hour. Ahh, yes! A whole hour with just me and my thoughts trapped in a tiny space. Fun stuff, eh? The two elevators in the Center of Hope need a serious overhaul! However, the funds to fix an elevator winds up feeding people or paying the electricity bill. You know, something that MUST be paid. An elevator? Well, with the amount of times the elevator repair guys are here they may as well replace the whole thing.
Not much else to report, so I'll let you go. Hope you are having a great day!
December 30th 6 PM
Good evening, Dear Diary. I actually got to see what the sun looks like today, but by 4 O'clock it was drizzling. Again.
There's something I've been thinking about, and I can't get it out of my head; should I move out of London once my legal matters are resolved? All my friends are back in North-western Ontario. Most of my family is there. I've got my property I have to deal with, eventually....
.....but! My Doctor is in London, as is my pharmacist. All my stuff is here (However, is my life worth a few possessions?)
It will cost money to send my important stuff back home, as well as, the cost of getting ME there. Oh well, it's no use getting too wound up until my legal crap is done. Or is it? If I make the choice to go back to NWO I could start mailing things now. Knowing my stuff is safe would help ease my mind, should something stupid happen, like having to do time.
I met with my lawyer on the 20th, but I'm left with more questions than answers. I'm going to have to call him and see what he thinks about the case and what direction it should go.
New Years Eve is tomorrow. I'm thinking about going out to watch the fireworks. I hear there's a free band to watch (Outside at Victoria Park) starting at 7 PM. I dunno about spending 5 hours in the cold. Can you imagine being one of the band members? Brrrrrrr.... cold fingers on metal strings. Yikes. But, they do it... so...... Sucks to be them on this gig, eh? I dunno.... Maybe I'll go and watch. Starts getting dark around 4:30 PM, so it'll be dark by the time I get to Victoria Park. Oh, hey! I bet the Christmas lights are still on all the tall trees! That'll be something to see.
Well, I just wanted to come online and write about my thoughts of heading home. It'll be ten years this April that I left home. Maybe it's time to go back. Let me know what you think.
Guess I'll talk to you soon. Cheers!
December 31st
Good afternoon, Dear Diary. It's snowing. Yup! Snow. So far there isn't any real accumulation, because it's melting as fast as it hits the ground, but we're getting snow. Temperatures are hovering right at the freezing mark. The day started out like so many before, with heavy cloud cover and no sunshine. I'll take snow over doom and gloom, any day. There's something pretty about snow falling... As long as you're inside looking out a window with a warm fireplace.
Probably not going to stand outside at Victoria Park for 5 our 6 hours. Just being realistic. Besides, I could watch the fireworks from my window; I'm pointed the right way.
It's around this time that people start looking to the future, and making predictions. Some make resolutions. Some people place a great value on celebrating the count-down to midnight. Some don't; for some it's just another day. I personally believe New Years Eve is a cross between an excuse for a party and the formal marking of a milestone. Different celebrations from all over the globe will mark the turning of a new chapter. As of tomorrow it'll be 2024, a year that is highly anticipated. From my perspective, it'll be a year of resolutions from the previous year. In my own case, 2024 will bring about a resolution to my legal matters. Speaking of legal matters, 2024 will be the year we find out if Donald Trump dodges a bullet. 2024 is also the Federal election for the States, and both sides are already in campaign mode. Many want Joe Biden to step down and let someone else vie for the title of President. Many want Trump to step aside, but for different reasons.
Since we're making predictions, here's a smattering of my own. In 2024:
Canada's West will burn from lack of rain and snow. Firefighters from all over will be brought in to help fight the forest fires. Several Native reservations will be threatened with wildfire. Some may need to be evacuated.
Two named storms will impact Canada's Eastern coast.
Canada's next Federal election isn't until the Fall of 2025. A year and a half is a long time when it comes to politics, and Pierre Poilievre will have to keep the pressure on while remaining out of the limelight. Basically the Conservatives need to keep their image up while appealing to Canadian voters, until October 2025!
Trudeau will continue to ally with Palestine. (He ousted himself in a CBC interview, which was yanked from public record within an hour) He and his political party will continue to pander to to immigrants.
The war in Gaza will continue until the Spring. I cannot see the Israeli leaders backing down from the need to establish peace in their country. It will only be the ultimate elimination of Hamas that will end this war. (As it should be)
In the Russo-NATO conflict I predict a stagnant trench warfare until Spring. It will take time to organize a massive assault, but this timeline allows for recruiting and training new Ukrainians.
NATO will continue to offer aid, albeit slowly. Dragging their heels is something the NATO leaders are good at.
Russia will continue to import weapons and ammunition from North Korea, and Iran. They have already shifted their economy into a war-time economy, so the machines of war will continue to be produced at an elevated rate. I don't predict we'll see anything new come from the Russians, as they have a tendency to repeat things, even their mistakes. They have no qualms against throwing young men into a meat grinder... A whole generation of young men wiped out.
India will continue to line Russia's war coffers by importing oil. India will continue to play both sides like they always do. Pretty much the same old.
India's economy, having just hit the $4 trillion dollar mark, will continue to be a bull run.
The United States of America will hold it's election in the Fall. My money is on Nikki Hailey. Watch for her to rise to popularity. Maybe a female Vice President role for Nikki?
Trump may NOT be allowed to run for President. Not because of the current courts of law declaring him unfit, (They will be overturned by the Supreme Court) but rather, all the other little lawsuits that hang over his head. If he dodges a major bullet and is allowed to run for President I'll be surprised. Don't get me wrong, even with all the current legal woes his fanbase is stronger than ever. IF he's allowed to run, however, Trump will win.
There will be more wars breaking out. South America and Africa are all suffering from conflict, and I predict that China will have to make a move soon on Taiwan or it may miss it's chance.
North Korea will sabre-rattle some more by launching missiles. L'il Rocket Man is just playing his trump card, knowing that he must maintain a show of force or risk getting dismantled.
I predict that this is the ending of another chapter, and the beginning of another......
....after all, tomorrow IS a new year....speaking of....
....Hope you have a SAFE and happy New Year! All the best in 2024!
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